How many Weight Watchers points are in this? And other questions I can’t answer for you.

Her name was Juliette, and she’ll never read this blog.

But I still discuss her today because she started it all for me with the weird customer questions, “How many Weight Watchers points are in this?” It was about a month or so after I opened the retail bakery in 2011, and I think WW was having its moment.

I just stared at her for a second, “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m on Weight Watchers and I need to know how many points this oatmeal cream pie is.” Her face was already exasperated, and she was looking at me as if I was the wrong one.

“How would I know that?” I questioned her.

She said, “You just figure it out. They tell you how to figure it out.”

“Well, I’m not sure. I’m not on Weight Watchers,” I said.

“Well then how many calories are in it?”

“I don’t know that either. It’s not a requirement for us to determine how many calories, but I’m guessing A LOT. How many points do you have?” I felt like I was trying to be helpful, but then she dug in further.

“Not too many, what about those?” She pointed to a bag of dinner rolls.

It was then that I had to tell her that gluten free items often have more calories because you blend several flours together instead of using one all-purpose flour. She looked pissed. She finally said, “Is there anything in here I can eat?”

That’s when I had to give her the bad news, “Ma’am, this is a bakery, we aren’t known for being healthy. We make birthday cakes and use sugar in things and people come in to get treats.”

To my surprise, she chose the oatmeal cream pie. She paid in cash. She sat at a table for about 30 seconds and ate half of it. She brought it to the counter, shoving a half-eaten baked good at my face: “This is too sweet.”

“Well, you picked an item with frosting.” I had to refrain from my usual “Duh” which I typically use as a Gen Xer.

“No, that’s not it. It seems that you make your baked goods too sweet. So I just want my money back.”

“But you ate half of it,” I said.

“Well I didn’t know it would be too sweet,” she said.

And then folks, I made the rookie mistake, that is also exactly my personality, of telling her, “But one bite tells you it’s too sweet. You ate HALF of it.”

We went back and forth for a few rounds, and she got her money back from me. She laid the oatmeal cream pie, half eaten, on the counter, and left. I was a new business owner and I felt like I had failed at this transaction.

Over the next several years, we went through a lot of fad diets and general angry customers who wanted certain things at the bakery: paleo, all organic, carnivore (hi why are you here?), Weight Watchers again, sugar free dieters, Wheat Belly people, sourdough people, vegans who hated me because I didn’t use vegan sugar I just used sugar (in general), people who wanted gluten in their baked goods (I was literally on what I called bakery row and they could have chosen ANY other bakery on that 4 mile stretch of road), people who wanted nuts in their baked goods, people who hated seed oils (that enemy!), and on and on.

By 2019, I finally had to make the statement that the bakery isn’t healthy it’s just safe for your food allergies. You came to see me for a “little treat” so let’s not ruin all the joy with questions about how the rice flour was grown and processed from the manufacturer. Or about how I use canola oil which is not only cheaper, but generally allergen free for most people who come in to the shop.

Over the years, Juliette popped in several times and treated various employees to her behavior, demanding a refund for every half eaten baked good that was too sweet. The thing is, she doesn’t leave until the refund is issued. She just stays, stating her case about awful it all is, and how we ruined her diet, and how she can’t believe we’re selling poison (that she just ate half of). Once in a while, she would bring in friends and they would both eat that same “too sweet” baked good and she didn’t need a refund in these times.

Juliette was the very last customer I had before I closed the retail shop to walk-ins. Of course she was.

Five minutes from now, I would close the door and announce my decision to stop walk-ins, just a few months before announcing that I would close the shop (people have to be eased into things). Three minutes from now. Two minutes from now. Juliette walked in and I died a little inside.

She chose the sweetest item in the case, she gave me cash for it, I didn’t even close the cash drawer. She took three bites, standing there, and she said, “It’s too swe-” I cut her off, “OH do you want your money back?” She nodded and I handed her the cash that I had been holding- not even in the drawer yet. She laid the half-eaten baked good on the counter and left. I locked the door behind her, and we ended just the same way we did the first time we met in 2011.